The Angel of Insanity

[Farran Esrimoure]

The great cliff, called Keisenjaro by some and just 'that huge wall of rock' by others, had been looming in her thoughts and dreams for three weeks now. Three long weeks spent staring up at the sheer face. It reminded her of the icewalls back home, on Helska IV. Master Davola had called them the Guardian Walls, and had once sent her out to ascend their vertical surfaces. She'd never succeeded. Each attempt met with failure, and though his words spoke of understanding, his eyes shone with only a strange sort of disappointment.

It was what fueled her every year to try and scale them, and every year she couldn't summit. She couldn't reach the top, and stand atop that jutting outcropping of nearly unimaginable height.

It was her great failure as an Padawan. Her great failure as a Jedi. Even after Master Davola had given her the status of Knight, she still could not scale the Guardian Walls. Her last attempt had nearly ended in her death, the sleeping nook she'd carved into the face collapsing and sending her tumbling. Her saving grace had been an outcropping of rock that the ice had formed around. But even then it had been almost the end.



Now though, staring up at the cliffs before her, Farran Esrimoure felt that old obligation welling up inside. She felt the old challenge, the old call. The old requirement. But more than anything, she yearned for the eyes of a man she would never see again to look upon her with pride.

After so long, she wanted her Master to be proud of her.

A hand went out, feeling along the rock for any hold no matter how small.

* * *

She was halfway up.

Muscles taut and sweat beading her forehead, Farran doggedly continued upward. She had no ropes, no spikes, nothing. This was, to her, the final test. If she fell, that was it; plain and simple. It wasn't a game of half-measures now. She needed to prove herself, even if she was the only one that would understand it. The insurmountable could be achieved, it was just a matter of patience and time. It was a measure of her determination and strength of will.

Too many time she'd failed the test.

* * *

She could see the top. See the cliff's edge. It was so close...

A hand slipped, sending her swinging to the left as she dangled from one white-knuckled grip, over nothing but a dizzying height. The trees below met the edge of Sanctuary in an easy grade, the buildings like small dots below her. In a mad scramble she found purchase once more, and a grunt of exertion brought her finally up and over the edge.

First her upper body, then a leg. The both legs. She rolled away, coming to a stop on her back and staring up at the twilight sky.

It'd been early morning when she'd started, but now the sun was beginning to kiss the mountaintops of the range for to the west.

The brighter stars were beginning to peek out in the steadily growing dusk.

And in the moment, Farran Esrimoure laughed, her arms reaching up to push sweaty bangs from her eyes as she continued to lay back on the gravelly summit of Keisenjaro.

[Zem Vymes]

"Well, it's about time you made it up. People in camp were beginning to talk."

Farran's moment of victory solace was spoiled by the voice of a man sitting a short distance away. He paused, biting into a bit of ripe fruit, careful not to let the juice dribble down his chin.

[Farran Esrimoure]

It was a voice that she wasn't expecting to hear, but she didn't pull her hands from her face. Rather, Farran peered through widened fingers at the man who'd spoken. She recognized him from the Council Chambers, and from the few times that she'd seen him about Sanctuary.

Her hands fell away then, to rest together over her stomach as she turned her head away. She stared at the jutting clouds as they displayed their brilliant colors with the setting sun.

"Then let them talk," she finally got out.

[Zem Vymes]

"Well, far be it from me to plug the dike with my thumb against a sea of gossips."

Taking another bite, Zem broke his attention from the woman to admire the scenery of the view.

"Did you find what you were looking for?"

[Farran Esrimoure]

She still felt distant to these Jedi. They seemed so different than the Jedi that Master Davola had told her of in his stories and lessons.

"Who said I was looking for anything."

She breathed in deeply, pulling the evening air into her lungs before letting it back out in a long exhale.

"Maybe I climbed it because... " Finally she shifted, her arms coming down to help lever her upper body up as she moved into a sitting position. Her eyes went to him, then.

"... because it was there."

[Zem Vymes]

"I'm here too. Hopefully you don't go getting ideas about further expeditions. I'd hate to slip a disk."

Cracking wise with a wry grin, Zem hopped up from where he sat to take a seat right at the edge, letting his legs dangle. He eased forward, getting a good peer down the sheer cliff face, to which he gave a low whistle.

"Well, at least your experiment with existentialism worked out. They'd have to pour you into a bucket if you took a wrong step."

[Farran Esrimoure]

"Lucky for them I managed to keep my wits about me, then."

She propped her elbows on raised knees, following him as he moved to sit on the precipice. His presence here was puzzling. She'd not told anyone where she was going or what she intended to do, and Farran found it a bit worrisome that one of the new Order's masters was seemingly keeping tabs on her. She would've expected the padfoot, Ndonsa, to be the one waiting if there was to be anyone. It usually was, anyway.

"What are you doing here."

It was a pointed question that wasn't exactly a question. More of a demand, really.

[Zem Vymes]

"It's a good view." Zem replied matter-of-factly, taking another bite of fruit in the process.

"Then I saw you down there, taking all damned day to fight that cliff face. I like your grit. Figured there was a story to it."

[Farran Esrimoure]

She stared at him, unsure of how to respond. He was peculiar, sitting there eating fruit on the edge of a cliff that, should he fall, would be the end of him.

Pursing her lips, Farran finally looked away while in the same motion mildly rolling her eyes.

"Stories are for younglings. Something like that," she gestured with an offhanded wave to the edge of the cliff, "... is a lesson."

[Zem Vymes]

"The lesson is that, it's there?"

He considered her earlier reasoning with a shrug, tossing the spent pit of fruit over the cliff.

"You'd be suprised how often story and lesson go hand in hand. The funny thing about both of those things is that they might be for younglings, but younglings get older. They collect them. All those stories and lessons become wisdom."

[Farran Esrimoure]

"All of the stories and lessons I was told had to do with a Jedi Order that's nothing like what I'm seeing now."

Not exactly spoken out of accusation, it was an admission that perhaps opened up a wider view into her own closed-off nature in her interactions with the others in Sanctuary. She was aloof, and mostly stayed to herself, choosing to mostly watch rather than actually participate.

And in a brief moment of candid frustration, Farran made a face.

"It's... disappointing."

[Zem Vymes]

"I can imagine."

Zem nodded, considering the shoes Farran occupied.

"The Order of old was in many ways a grand and majestic institution those long years ago. Compared to such stories, we must seem a shabby lot."

[Farran Esrimoure]

"That's putting it lightly."

Her better judgement reigned her in, and the blonde looked away as a silence descended between them.

Finally, she ventured on.

"I'm... sorry. I don't mean to seem ungrateful."

She closed her eyes, running a hand through sweat-saturated bangs.

"It's just not what I was expecting."

Her eyes returned to him, staring at his back as he sat.

"My Master always told me these grand tales of the Knights and Masters, and of the Temple and... and I guess I was expecting everything to be the same."

[Zem Vymes]

"Yes. I remember those days, many years ago."

Thinking back on the bygone era brought a wistful gleam to the Jedi Master's eye.

"There was a time when what your master said was true. The Jedi Knights protected the entire galaxy for over a thousand generations. Tens of thousands of Jedi, united in the pursuit of light to ward off the darkness. A long time ago, I could be counted as one of them."

[Farran Esrimoure]

"I suppose it was too much to hope for, that everything would be the same."

She shook her head in self-admonishment.

"My own fault."

Farran let her eyes track upwards to the dying light of the sky. She sighed.

"Master Davola used to make me climb the ice walls every year. He called them the Guardian Walls. He said they were a test of will and patience and determination. Every year I tried," her eyes closed, and her head bowed.

"... every year I failed."

[Zem Vymes]

"And now you have succeeded."

Zem patted the cliff edge with a hand for emphasis.

"You won't hear any words against your will, patience, or determination from me."

The Jedi Master turned his eyes again to the view below.

"Did he tell you what comes next?"

[Farran Esrimoure]

"Not really."

She pulled a face at that.

"I never could get far enough."

Again she fell back on her old brusque habits.

"It doesn't really matter now though. He's not here to tell me what comes next," rocking forward, she rose to stand, her hands patting the sides of her pants to remove accumulated dirt and pebbles. Thankfully the walk down the opposite side of the mountain was a much easier task than the sheer climb, and Farran gave a last look to him before starting on the worn path that would take her downward.

"So I'll just have to figure it out on my own."

[Zem Vymes]

"That's pride talking."

Zem also righted himself to his feet, following leisurely on the return path after the troubled padawan.

"That notion to go it alone. It can seem noble, sure. But you've only seen so far of the path, and the rest of the way is hidden."

Catching up with Farran, the Master continued.

"Have you considered the notion that your master sent you beyond to complete your training?"

[Farran Esrimoure]

"The thought is not one that had occurred to me, no."

And it was the truth. It didn't make sense in her mind anyhow, for the simple fact that...

"Master Davola gave me the rank of Knight before I left, so I do not see why he would consider such a thing."

[Zem Vymes]

"Then your learning is finished?"

Zem turned to the woman with a curious expression.

"Hmm. If that is the case, then I have at last met a Jedi without equal."