Family Tradition

[Teagan s'Ilancy]

Teagan s'Ilancy sat alone in her room.

It was a small room, tucked away in the Padawan dormitory and utterly the same as most all of the rooms that made up the living quarters of the Jedi's younger generation. She had a bed, a small study desk with a chair, and a nightstand. It was all plain and the same furniture that was in every room, but the young Lupine had taken some pains to make her living arrangement a little bit different. There were small trinkets here and there; mementos of a life that was long gone, now. She'd even managed to find herself a small bookcase, which she had placed her small collection of books upon. There was a closet, but it was small and only held the small amount of clothing that she possessed. Which, aside from the traditional attire of Jedi was not much. A few pairs of pants and some old shirts that she barely fit into anymore. Well, truth was that she didn't at all fit into them anymore, but they'd been presents from Sanis so long ago, and she was loathe to get rid of them.

It was such a different life that she now led. Everything had changed, and while she wasn't so sure that it was for the better, she hoped it was at least only temporary. That whenever her mother was finished doing what she needed to do for the Alliance, she'd come back.

Cross-legged on her bed, Teagan held a small book in her lap, furiously writing on the empty pages within. Before her was one of a few holo cubes that she'd managed to keep with her; this one showed a small still image of her Dama, smiling and reaching for the camera. Captured for all time, it was a face that the girl missed so much. It glowed a translucent blue, and every so often she paused in her writing to look at it. She would stare, her mind working quietly and at a steady pace, then she went back to writing.

[Zem Vymes]

Zem had brought sandwiches.

It had been no small feat. He'd had to deal with the maniacal Chiss despot at the camp deli. He'd followed every asinine direction fellow deli veterans had imparted to him and he still felt those glowing red eyes weighing heavily on his every move. Still, if you want things done right, you don't do them in half measure. The paper bag glistened at a few seams and corners, greasy harbingers of joy within. A few padawans' doors opened as youngsters' heads popped out like so many dianogas at the wonderful lingering smell that passed. "No fair" whimpered Drax. The put-upon Rodian sulked as he closed his door in jealous disgust.

knock knock knock

[Teagan s'Ilancy]

Her head snapped up at the unexpected sound, and she went completely still. A few moments later, and her hand went out to shut down the holo. She didn't get off the bed though. No one knocked on her door. Ever. It was such a foreign sound that the young Lupine scrunched up her nose at the equally strange scent that was now just filtering in through the cracks in the door.

It was an almost overpowering smell, and for the first time she was reminded that she'd not yet eaten. Her stomach growled just a little bit, but she quelled the sudden hunger. Confusion caused her brow to furrow, and she finally found her voice, raising it so that whoever was on the other side could hear.

"Who is it?"

[Zem Vymes]

"Free lunch."

[Teagan s'Ilancy]

She knew that voice.

Another few moments of confusion, and she slowly slid from her bed. The journal and the shut-down holo imager left atop the comforter, Teagan padded on bare feet to the door. The smell only got stronger, and she frowned. She reached out, opening the door with a push of a panel button. Blinking up at Zem's face, the girl let her eyes travel down to the bag he held. The perplexed downturn of her lips only deepened, and her gaze swept back up.

"I haven't skipped any classes in a week," she started in cautious defense.

[Zem Vymes]

The look he gave the younger s'Ilancy was an implied mm-hmm.

"I can read your mind." Zem gravelled, a deadpan challenge to any possibility that her plea was insincere.

[Teagan s'Ilancy]

Gods but whatever was in that bag smelled good.

Though, she wasn't about to let the challenge go unanswered. Teagan folded her arms over her chest.

"Then read it."

[Zem Vymes]

His brows raised in unison.

"You and that Staedtler boy did what now?"

A bluff. A statistically-sound bluff nevertheless. Zem shook the bag.

"You gonna let me in before this gets cold or not?"

[Teagan s'Ilancy]

Her expression melted, and she gave him a look of sudden horror.

"That's not... "

Fair? Teagan held the last word back, choosing to bite it out of existence rather than speak it aloud. Instead, she huffed out a breath, stepped back, and gestured for him to enter.

"Fine, come in. I was just... " she moved quickly to the bed, snapping shut the journal and scooping both it and the imager up. They were deposited on her desk with a small clatter as she let herself practically fall into the chair. "... doing some writing."

[Zem Vymes]

Irritated at the prospect of a hot meal because of reasons. She was becoming more and more like her mother.

Zem entered the small dorm room, setting the bagged lunch on the desk next to Teagan as he sat on the foot of her bed. He noted the presence of a bookshelf already populated by a small herd of literary treasures. Yeah, just like her mother.

"So you've made your classes and lessons. How do you feel about that?"

Was that her goal? Just showing up?

[Teagan s'Ilancy]

She only gave a shrug while reaching out to gingerly manipulate the bag's folded top edge with a single hand.

"I didn't get lectured, and I didn't have any truant marks against me."

The bag peeled open a bit, and the smell inside intensified as it escaped. Her attention was given fully to what lay nestled within.

" 'Sides... " such a wonderful aroma, and her curiosity was very much getting the better of her.

"... isn't like there's much else to do but run around when no one is looking."

She knew that he knew. After all, he'd been the one to sternly caution her about any future outings without proper supervision. She'd countered with the normal fair, insisting that she would've been ok no matter what, and that she would be able to heal. Ever since the run-in with the Y'sanna, Teagan could tell that he was watching her more closely.

"Anyways. I'm not gonna go and get myself killed, you know."

A single finger from her free hand reached out to pull the bag open wider, and reaching in, the young Lupine grasped one of the two tightly wrapped sandwiches inside, pulling it out. She bit her lip, then half-turned in her seat, holding it out for him to take.

"I can heal just as good as my Mom."

[Zem Vymes]

Zem declined the offer. They were both for her. Besides, he had come here for more than just a chat over lunch.

"Young lady, your mother understood something and it's time to understand it too. This isn't just a lifestyle here. What you're doing, what you're learning. It's to an end. It requires a serious commitment and a serious mind. So far, you haven't showed that commitment."

His face was stern.

"Are you serious about being a Jedi, Teagan? If you haven't faced that question then you need to do it right now."

[Teagan s'Ilancy]

She seemed to freeze, her hand still holding out the wrapped sandwhich. His words were firm, and slowly she brought the small meal back to the desk, setting it down gently.

The question he put to her now was one that she'd truthfully never considered. Everything that happened now was just... What was it all? Her mother had left her here, and then gone off. She visited yes, but those times were so few and more often than not never for long enough. The thought made her scowl, and she broke eye contact with him to stare down at the thin carpet.

"I don't know," she finally mumbled.

Sullenly she looked to the side, at the imager. One hand went to slap it on, and she looked at the holo of her mother, still reaching for the camera. A tap of her finger, and the holo changed to one of both her mother and her father, looking so happy as they embraced one another. It was the memory of those two that filled her with so much resentment. Resentment at the lies and falsehoods. Resentment at the farce that her life had once been. And now that reality had come crashing down, she hated it.

Staring at the flickering blue image, the young Lupine gave a sniff.

"I don't like it here."

[Zem Vymes]

"Your mother brought you here for a reason. She saw as I see, the potential within you and your brother. The wellspring."

Zem laced his fingers together as he sat, slightly hunched towards her.

"It was important enough to her that she sent you here. Do you think she wants to spend even a moment away from you? But I'll tell you this. She can't make you become what you don't choose to be. You have something unique. Something that your mother and I did not have. You have a choice."

The Jedi Master called the holocube to himself with the force, turning the image back to the one previous. He smiled, turning it off.

"You can be anything you want to be. What you are is a sum of many wholes. Some of those you control and some you don't. If you leave this place, you'll still be Teagan s'Ilancy. You'll have a brother who will grow up to look up to you and a mother who loves you very much. And I'll still check in on you to have talks like this one we're having now."

He tossed the holocube back to her.

"But if you choose to stay, it costs more. There's no easy paths for a Jedi. What you can do and what you can be, they're guided along a road that's hard to travel. You don't take those steps lightly. I know the kind of young lady you are, and you've never disappointed me. I love you like a daughter. If you stay here and don't give everything you've got to the work demanded of you...I'll be disappointed.

And so will your mother."

[Teagan s'Ilancy]

Disappointed.

She caught the cube easily enough, but his voice rumbling out that one word made her pause.

It was a word that shook her from her inner simmerings. The young Lupine looked up at him from over the tops of crystal blue eyes. Eyes that were so much like her mother's.

You're not my real dad paraded at the forefront of her thoughts, like some sort of defensive barrier erected, but in the next instant she shut away the terrible thought. It wasn't fair to him, and it wasn't fair to her mother, either. And in that moment she felt shame. Shame for thinking such a thought. Shame for feeling so angry. Shame for every time that she'd brushed away his helping hand.

The food that he'd brought was suddenly forgotten, and Teagan fingered the imager back on. It was set to the picture that she'd originally been looking at; of her mother and a time when things had been so much more joyous. It was a time when she had a family.

Again she looked to Zem with a gaze that was bordering on tearful. Another moment later and she shifted her eyes once more to the holo.

"I know how she feels about you, and how you feel about her."

What her mother had possibly intended, by leaving her here...

"And I know she wants the best for me an' Markos."

As if suddenly her appetite had left, she slid the wrapped sandwich farther away. The holo was switched off before being thrown lightly to the bed, landing on her pillow.

"How am I supposed to choose what I want to do with the rest of my life right now?! I'm just... I don't even have a dad anymore, and my mom is off in space doing... " she made a gesture to the air, "... whatever it is she does!"

Her features screwed up into a pinched expression.

"And now I'm supposed to tell you what I want to do for the rest of my life!?"

And in a fit of frustration, she swiped up her journal and threw it at him.

[Zem Vymes]

The journal paused mere inches from Zem's face, and with a serene gesture he brought it down to his lap.

"Every moment. Every choice. Every step you take. That's for the rest of your life. You only walk the path once. You may stay on it, or you may stray. You may even get lost. But you always walk. You always choose."

Zem rested a hand on her journal, not daring to spill it's secrets as he kept his eyes on her.

"I've told you about the path I walked. I made my choices, and they were sometimes the right ones and sometimes the wrong ones. You let yourself stop walking and get afraid of what that next step brings, and you won't get anywhere. It's alright to be scared, but you damned sure don't let it hold you by your ankles, kid."

He returned the journal to Teagan's expecting hand.

"I've got something for you. More than sandwiches, that is."

[Teagan s'Ilancy]

Was it the reaction she was expecting?

Well, not really. His patience seemed like some bottomless well that never stopped going down and down and down. She took back the journal, somewhat shocked by her own outburst into silence. She listened quietly to the words that he spoke, biting her lower lip.

"But I'm not old enough for something like that yet," she tried to deflect, even still. It just seemed so rushed.

"The others... they all seem to know what they want, but I just... I just don't."

With her journal in her lap, the young Lupine looked down at the leather cover. It'd been a gift from her mother the last time the elder s'Ilancy had visited. She ran her fingernails over the smooth, tanned surface.

"They've all gone and made their lightsabers, and I don't even know if I care enough that I haven't yet."

She gave a huff, and kept her eyes downcast. She felt so much younger suddenly, lost in a sea of unknowns while mumbling out the words that had such a double meaning now days.

"I'm not my Dama."

[Zem Vymes]

"No, you aren't."

Zem removed something from one of the utility pouches at his belt. A simple box, like the sort that inexpensive jewelry came in. He weighed it in his grasp, turning it over between his fingers as he talked.

"You're as stubborn and hard-headed as she is. You're as smart as she is. You're as compassionate as she is. But you are not her. She walked her own paths and faced her own doubts. She stumbled and fell, and got back up again. The road she walked won't look a thing like the one you stare down. But you know what? You never really walk alone."

A faint little smile etched on his aged face, and he tossed the box to her.

[Teagan s'Ilancy]

Catching the little box was easy. It was small and light, and it felt as though it held nothing. Frowning, Teagan held it up, not sure what exactly she was supposed to do with it. The box itself looked banged up and old, like it'd been thrown around on rocks and bounced off of the ground more than a few times.

But she pressed on, and her fingers moved to lever open the small hinged lid. It had a resistance to it that surprised her.

Inside was a thin length of tightly braided blonde hair, curled up into itself like a baby sand snake.

"Wha... "

Blinking up at him, Teagan's brow knit.

"What is this?"

[Zem Vymes]

"In the old times, a Padawan learner would braid their hair in a symbol of their devotion to their studies in the way of the force. It served as a physical reminder, present when the way ahead was perhaps less clear to them."

He could remember well the day he'd stood with her, his blue saber inches from her face as she knelt. She was perhaps one of the last to carry the tradition in that way.

"It belonged to your mother."